When you get into a relationship, it’s all smiles, rainbows and daylight – at least at first. Eventually, the longer the relationship continues, storms start to enter. And it’s normal. It’s normal for any couple to go on a bumpy road from time to time. It’s normal to fight and get a little jealous. But is it normal to cheat?
NO. As much as people try to make it seem normal, it’s not. Cheating isn’t part of a relationship. It’s not a problem every couple has to face. So what do you do if it happens to you? What do you do if you get cheated on? Do you forgive them?
Honestly, there’s no right answer. You can choose not to and move on. But should you choose to stay, you have to ask, “How can you forgive someone for cheating?”
If you’re someone struggling in the same situation and currently looking for an answer, you’re in luck! In this article, we will discuss different ways how you can forgive someone for cheating.
1) Give yourself enough time and space
Getting cheated on is not a joke. Aside from the fact that it breaks your heart (not literally, of course), it damages your mental health and ruins your self-esteem.
This is why the best thing to do after finding out that hurtful truth is to give yourself enough time and space.
When you get cheated on, you either feel tons of overwhelming emotions – sadness, disgust and anger, or you get numb.
You hurt too much to the point that you can’t even feel a thing. And it could be dangerous. Sometimes we humans have the tendency to make a decision based on emotions, and getting cheated on stirs up a lot of negative emotions.
So take your time. Give yourself some space to feel things and really think about the situation.
2) Understand what led to that “moment”
Once you’ve given yourself enough time and space, try to think of it. Like, really think of it. Ask yourself, what could have possibly led to that moment?
No one deserves to be cheated on — that’s a matter of fact. Yet, frequently, individuals choose to cheat because they feel neglected or unhappy in their relationship.
Now I’m not saying that’s enough reason to cheat. There is no acceptable reason for such a thing. However, that does not make change the fact that it’s the harsh truth.
Keep in mind that understanding what led to the moment is not meant to put the blame on yourself nor meant to justify the infidelity.
Instead, this step will help you move beyond the hurt and have a more rational understanding of how the relationship steered in such a wrongful and chaotic direction.
3) Talk to a relationship coach
While this article will shed light on how you can forgive someone for cheating, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like infidelity and trust issues. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
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Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
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4) Open up to your partner about it
And then, after talking to a relationship coach and understanding possible reasons why it led to it – as in, the different factors and both of your emotional states – maybe try to bridge the gap.
Having to face your partner after finding out they cheated on you is hard. As a matter of fact, it’s torture.
However, if you really want to forgive your partner, you have to talk about it. You can’t just assume why they did it.
You have to really address the issue for you to be able to work things out should you choose to stay in the relationship.
5) Communicate with your support group
So let’s say you were able to talk to your partner about it. Now you have these overwhelming feelings and emotions. What do you do? You should branch out to your support group.
No human being is completely isolated from their social environment. As individuals, we need someone with whom we can confide our vulnerabilities and personal issues, all without being judged.
So, as you go through the downfall of your relationship, precisely, being cheated on, always remember that you are not on your own, kid. There are people close to your heart willing to lend you an ear and help you in your healing process in the best way they can.
In my case, when I first experienced being cheated on, it was as if I had the world to carry on my shoulder for a long time. I tried to keep all the burden, only to find myself immensely crying on my sister’s lap after a week of keeping it all a secret. Then, the familial support continued.
My mom and dad took turns watching over me and hearing my burdens, even if I initially felt shy. My family supported me in my first-ever journey of heartbreak, and I felt the weight of the world slowly lifted upon me as I listened to their perspectives on life and relationship. Still, of course, I also had to help myself.
Being cheated on was a feeling that I would never want to experience again, yet it was also that moment that I knew I had the best support group one could ever have.
6) Remember that forgiveness is a gift for you and not them
Now, let’s say you’ve done everything stated above and still cannot find it in your heart to forgive them. What do you do? I’ll tell you what. Remember.
Remember why forgiveness is important and who you’re really doing it for. Because news flash! It’s not for your partner.
Being cheated on makes an individual feel insecure, weak, and vulnerable all at once. It is the bad dream that wakes you up in the middle of the night, and then you cry yourself to sleep afterward.
You long for the days of finally being able to soundly sleep at night without crying, but it seems as though the hurt never stops.
Forgiveness does not automatically mean forgetting the experience. Forgiving means dispelling the negative emotions and the traumas that being cheated on caused you all while carrying the lessons and the experiences with the hopes of having a better journey ahead.
In the end, forgiveness is a power that only the strongest and wisest person can give, and it is a power so strong that it benefits more of you than it is for them.
Being cheated on sucks – there’s just no way to sugarcoat it. It makes an individual feel insecure, weak, and vulnerable all at once.
It is the bad dream that wakes you up in the middle of the night, and then you cry yourself to sleep afterward. You long for the days of finally being able to soundly sleep at night without crying, but it seems as though the hurt never stops.
It is hard to forgive someone who has hurt you so hard that you feel it is impossible to heal from the trauma. The feeling of being cheated on sucks, aches, and is as crazy as possible. Rinse, repeat, and the feeling is still the same.
Months may pass, but the idea of having to trust someone again becomes harder and harder because you feel that every person will only betray you.
You listen to your old favorite heartbreak song *play Olivia Rodrigo’s Traitor* or watch the ultimate heartbreak movie to let all the hurting get out of your system.
But there’s an end to it, you just have to trust the process
So, if you’re someone struggling in this area and are finding it hard to heal and forgive, remember that IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. Things like this take time, and you shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to offer forgiveness straight away.
People deal with things differently and you should deal with it in the way that you see fit – but do not be toxic in the process of it.
Stop checking the person your partner cheated with, and, more importantly, do not constantly stalk your partner’s social media accounts anymore.
You already know your partner cheated on you, so enough rubbing salt in the wound. It will not do you any good if you see another picture of them looking cozy at a party or their sweet exchange of conversations on their social media accounts.
What you need right now is a breather from all the chaos that has happened to you. Take a step back from the mess you are going through, assess the situation, and reflect on how you could improve things, at least for you.
At this point, it is okay if you have not yet seen yourself forgiving your partner for cheating any time soon. It is perfectly normal to take your time.
Do some social media detox, explore your long-lost hobbies, or travel out of town. These are all simple yet helpful things that will allow you to take a break from the mess of it all.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.
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Forgiveness is the antidote and a way for you to move on. However, it's a personal choice whether to do so. Can you forgive a cheater? In short, yes, but learning how to forgive someone for cheating means understanding what forgiveness actually means — only then can you achieve it.Can you ever truly forgive someone for cheating? ›
Forgiveness is the antidote and a way for you to move on. However, it's a personal choice whether to do so. Can you forgive a cheater? In short, yes, but learning how to forgive someone for cheating means understanding what forgiveness actually means — only then can you achieve it.Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating? ›
Experts say it's possible for couples to go on to have a happy relationship after infidelity, provided they're willing to put in the work. “The couple can survive and grow after an affair,” says Coleman.How do I rebuild my connection after cheating? ›
- Make sure there is remorse.
- Be honest about why it happened.
- Remove temptations to re-engage with the affair.
- Move forward with brutal honesty and care.
- Be selective about who you tell.
- Consider working with a licensed therapist.
Usually, they do so for one or more of the following reasons: Self-Exploration. For some, cheating is a way to explore repressed parts of the self. These cheaters don't actually want to change the core of who they are; they just want to escape the constraints of that for a little while.How do you hurt a cheater's feelings? ›
- Make him jealous with someone else.
- Act like you don't care when you find out.
- Give him the cold shoulder.
- Let him know that he hurt you.
- Leave him for good.
- Give him his stuff back in a box.
- Tell everyone what happened.
- Update your look.
Experts like Nelson agree the only reason to stay with a cheating spouse is if he or she is deeply and genuinely sorry for the betrayal and willing to work for your forgiveness. This means they show they understand the pain you went through after learning about the affair, Dr.How do I find peace after being cheated on? ›
- Remember: you are not to blame. ...
- Accept that things are going to suck for a while. ...
- Put yourself first. ...
- Try to keep your cool. ...
- Don't make decisions out of fear. ...
- Surround yourself with your squad. ...
- Take a mini-break from socials. ...
- Ask for (professional) help if you need it.
A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. 1 It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner.Can someone still love you if they cheat? ›
And yet, the real answer to this significant question is this: It is absolutely possible that your partner does love you, did love you before, and will continue to love you in the future. Infidelity does not mean that the love is gone or never existed. The reality is that you can love someone and still cheat on them.
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).Do cheaters regret after breakup? ›
Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to. People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.Is it worth it to save a relationship after cheating? ›
Many relationships are worth saving, despite infidelity, but the restoration of trust is paramount. Since partners will never be 100 percent in alignment, it's important to set realistic expectations.How do you fix a relationship after trust is broken? ›
- Take responsibility for the role you played. ...
- Practice forgiveness. ...
- Leave the past in the past. ...
- Allow time and space for grief. ...
- Follow through on the small things. ...
- Choose to practice vulnerability. ...
- Attend to the deeper issues. ...
- Co-create a new future.
The most important thing to remember is what cheating says about a person. They're insecure, impulsive, selfish, and immature. Sometimes, it's a chronic problem that likely won't ever be fixed, just be sure not to ignore the warning signs.What do all cheaters have in common? ›
Cheaters are impulsive, and can't resist taking that risk despite what it might cost them. Cheaters, like bullies, are fueled by power, and drawn to risk. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them.What cheating does to a woman? ›
Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result. Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy.What is the karma of a cheater? ›
It means if a person cheats on their spouse, they will get punished by some universe effects. This consequence may relate to someone else cheating on them, or they may experience a bad situation. It may take time, but cheaters' karma indicates that a cheater will eventually get the repercussions of their actions.Do cheaters worry about being cheated on? ›
Being cheated on
Cheaters actually have a deep-seated fear of betrayal themselves. They often feel suspicious and rejected in relationships and use this as an excuse to step out on their partners. Cheating gives philandering folks a feeling of power and control in their lives and relationships.
For instance, it's common to feel disappointed or betrayed after infidelity, so take a moment to recognize these feelings are normal. "In general, getting over infidelity follows the usual stages of grief: shock/denial; anger/defiance; bargaining; depression, remorse; and acceptance," explains Weiss.
It's absolutely possible to heal from infidelity. Although the pain and grief can be intense, it's also possible to work on the relationship so that you and your partner are able to move on.How do you trust a cheater again? ›
- Let Yourself Be Raw With Your Emotions. ...
- Don't Ignore What Happened. ...
- Don't Be a Helicopter Partner. ...
- Stay Present and Future-Oriented. ...
- Go to Counseling. ...
- Trust Yourself. ...
- Communicate About Communication.
Cheating husbands may be defensive over the smallest things. They may seem unusually sensitive or touchy about things that seem harmless to you. If you ask an innocent question about what they had for lunch, they may snap at you and accuse you of being controlling or demanding.What to do after being emotionally cheated on? ›
- Accept What's in an Affair. Affairs don't have to be sexual to be considered infidelity. ...
- Lead With Honesty. ...
- Have the Conversation. ...
- Commit to Working on Things Together. ...
- Assess the Relationship. ...
- Practice Self-Care. ...
- Process Your Emotions. ...
- Rebuild Trust.
Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety have been linked to infidelity. A person may also experience relationship anxiety, which often results in a person feeling more insecure about themselves. It can also induce doubt towards one's partner, and excessive worry that one will be cheated on again.How does cheating affect the brain? ›
Cheating Pushes Your Brain Into PTSD Territory
Flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessive thoughts about the situation are some of the most frequent symptoms. You might also be overly alert and react to any perceived threat to your own or your relationship.
Cheating doesn't mean your partner doesn't love you or respect you anymore. In fact, it's quite the contrary. If your partner cheats on you, it's because they're doing everything they can to keep the relationship intact while still fulfilling their needs (because everyone has needs, both emotional and sexual).Why does he cheat but loves me? ›
Truth is, there are many factors at play when a man chooses to be unfaithful. Feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity can also drive him to the point of infidelity. He can cheat to feel desired by someone. To uplift his fragile ego, he will seek attention and validation from other women to feel worthy once more.Who is more likely to cheat? ›
According to the General Social Survey, men are more likely to cheat than women, with 20% of men and 13% of women reporting having sex with someone other than their partner while still married. However, the gender gap varies per age.How long does grief last after infidelity? ›
However, in some instances, the time it takes for emotions to subside is longer than the affair itself. “It usually takes six months to one year to emotionally bounce back,” Ghanbari says. “If one is taking longer [than this] to recover, it is possible that she or he is dealing with complicated grief.”
Relationship counselors have seen many couples persevere through cheating and the cheater never cheat again. On the other hand, the opposite happens just as often. According to some studies, someone who has cheated before is 3x more likely to cheat again in their next relationship.How are most affairs discovered? ›
1. How are most affairs discovered? The phone! While there are text message codes that cheating spouses use to avoid getting caught, there is no denying that mobile phones are a danger zone for adulterers.Do most cheaters cheat again? ›
Although many people believe in the adage, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” it is not necessarily true. Not every person who cheats once will cheat again. However, serial cheaters are people who seek out sexual partners on a continual, chronic pattern of infidelity.Who is more likely to stay after cheating? ›
Relationships that were strong prior to the affair recover more fully after infidelity. Married couples stay together at a higher percentage than unmarried couples. Couples with children are more likely to continue the relationship following a betrayal.How often do relationships work after cheating? ›
Extensive research conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 53% of couples who experienced infidelity in their marriage were divorced within 5 years, even with therapy. The study says that couples who have been unfaithful are three times more likely to separate than monogamous couples.When should you forgive a cheater? ›
- You're both committed to each other and your shared family. ...
- You're both naturally forgiving. ...
- You're both able to see the bigger picture. ...
- You still love each other.
In his book, Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, Matthew Liberman writes, “When human beings experience threats or damage to their social bonds, the brain responds in much the same way it responds to physical pain.” The pain we experience in betrayal often feels like an attack on our body. It hurts like hell.Does cheating bring bad karma? ›
That's karma in simple words. Cheaters karma is quite similar as well. If you have made bad decisions in your relationship and treated your partner poorly, deceived them, and broken their heart by fooling around, then there are chances you will face karma's wrath.Do cheaters miss their ex? ›
When do cheaters miss their ex? When they are feeling lonely. Even if she/he cheated and chose her/him, they might miss you when they are alone. They might even think of ways to reach out to you, talk to you, and find out if you are still waiting for them.Can you cheat on someone you love psychology? ›
Cheating can be a sign of deep relational issues
A cheater might suffer from extremely low self-esteem and a narcissistic view of seeing things. Some people have a tendency for attention-seeking and once they are satisfied with one person they might go on to another to fulfil their needs and validate themselves.
It is impossible to regain trust without first regaining control of your emotional well-being by finding your inner peace with the situation. Many people struggle with forgiveness because they don't want to let the other person off the hook for his or her bad behavior.How long does it take to trust someone again? ›
“Sometimes the time required to repair damaged trust is too much for some people to sustain.” Although the time it will take to rebuild trust varies based on the situation and the personalities involved, it could take anywhere from 6 months to 2 years for a couple to regain trust, says Laino.How do you let go of someone you love emotionally? ›
- Acknowledge the truth of the situation. ...
- Identify relationship needs — and deal breakers. ...
- Accept what the love meant to you. ...
- Look to the future. ...
- Prioritize other relationships. ...
- Spend time on yourself. ...
- Give yourself space. ...
- Understand it may take some time.
Just as love and attraction can fade, they can also be rekindled with time, effort, and patience—so long as both partners are willing to put the work in. Do You Feel Like You've Fallen Out Of Love With Your Partner?How do you make someone love you again? ›
- Do something to make your partner's life better. ...
- Spend time away from each other. ...
- Ask yourself what they need. ...
- Spend more present time with them. ...
- Have silly time together. ...
- Stop and notice your S.O. ...
- Take turns planning surprise date nights.
- Figure out WHY you cheated on your partner. ...
- Decide whether to tell your partner that you cheated. ...
- If you tell your partner you cheated, do it the right way. ...
- Expect major anger from your partner. ...
- Let them go—if they want to. ...
- If your partner stays, move forward together.
If the question is “should you forgive him?”,Scripture is clear that Christians should always be willing to forgive any offense of any magnitude. Ephesians tells us to, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (4:32).Can cheaters really change? ›
Some serial cheaters experience guilt over their actions, but others show little or no remorse. Most of the time, it is difficult for them to change their cheating habits, but with the right steps and intentions, it is possible.Can love survive cheating? ›
In practice, it tends to be uncommon for a relationship to survive instances of cheating. One study found that only about 16 percent of couples who'd experienced unfaithfulness were able to work it out.Does the guilt of cheating ever go away? ›
It does. It is possible to get over the pain and guilt and move on. However, learning how to stop feeling guilty about cheating wouldn't come easy. Sometimes you will think about what you've done, and you just want to forget about it.
“Thou shalt not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14) is one of the Ten Commandments.How do you know if you should forgive someone for cheating? ›
- You're both committed to each other and your shared family. ...
- You're both naturally forgiving. ...
- You're both able to see the bigger picture. ...
- You still love each other.
In Rules' professional opinion there are signs you can look out for to gage if the relationship is worth saving, “A willingness to communicate, to make time for discussion and repair, and willingness to manage avoidance and conflict are useful,” she says.What percentage of couples stay together after cheating? ›
Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating. And more men than women stay married when they are the cheating partner (61% vs 44%).Do cheaters regret hurting you? ›
Statistics show that only 31% of marriages last after the affair has been discovered or admitted to. People who are unfaithful to their partners regret causing their loved one so much pain and heartache. Even if the couple decides to stay together, it's very hard for them to have a trust-based, happy relationship.